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As the Humanitarian of Bristol, I, Jezebel Harlotte, have made a most solemn vow to share my wysdom and experience with the goode yet woeful people of the worlde. Yea, forsoooth I am a sage of pracktikal knoweledge and have been endowed with a divyne mission to serve all mankynde by the Almighty Himself. Indeed, if it were not so, He woulde not have made me so goode at it! Therefore, cousins, I shall lend myne ear to thy woes and offer advyce unto thee, that I may lighten the burden upon thy wearey breast and restore thy mirth.
Q: Cousin Jezebel, it hath been said, to keep a good husbande interested in your owne bed, tis best to make of it a place of play. In light of such, I have brought many an enjoyable game into our private chamber, however none have yet sparked his interest. (Tis good to note that any small, sharp game parts may be lost amongst the bed clothes and make for a badde night's sleep.) Prithee, dost thou have any suggestions for proper evening play?
-submitted by A Trixy Feather Wench
A: Ah, goode Wench, in order to properly select the proper gayme for thy mate, thou must needs evaluate his needs in terms of his everyday existence. Observe thy man and take note of his natural tendencies. Then expound upon whatever theme thou discoverest withal. Find his daily motivation for existence and thou shalt reveal the perfect Gayme. Is he obsessed with organized team sports? Mayhap a contest using common parlance from said sport showcasing his physical prowess will spark his interest - especially if thou art the pryze. Be he obsessed with food? Make thyself into dessert. Is thy man a "couch potato," bless the mark? I have heard tell of a special devyce which may be used to transmit thy image from thy bed chamber into a box in thy general living quarters. Is he a scholar? Let him use thee for an anatomy lesson. An artiste? Be his canvas. Even if he be the kind of man, who, like the Lord High Sheriffe, doth refuse to make any effort at all but insists upon lying there to be serviced like an old wagon in need of new wheels, by all means feel free to oblige in his desire to have no responsibility whatsoever and tie him firmly to the bed. Goode Luck!
